CHILDREN'S LETTERS TO GOD

Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

Dear Norma,
An accident. Just like you were.
GOD

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Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Jane

Dear Jane,
Because they smell bad.
GOD

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Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan

Dear Nan,
I do, stupid.
GOD

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Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear Friend,
First, I know who you are because I am God.  I won't hurt him. That would be too easy. Usually, what I like to do is hurt the people he cares most about. Like you.
GOD

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Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Bruce

Dear Bruce,
It says here you're a little punk.
GOD

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Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her.
Denise

Dear Denise,
Is it because she's prettier than you are?
GOD

Dear God,
I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Sam

Dear Sam,
Many of my disciples were hairy. In fact, Joseph wore a sweater.  Noah had a big giant, fluffy beard. In the old days, hair was good. Don't be so judgmental or I'll send you to Hell.
GOD

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Dear God,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Ruth

Dear Ruth,
WHAT?! I invent the ocean and the sky and buildings and cars, and all you like is the stapler? Are you stupid?
GOD

Dear Nan,
Who told you I love everybody? I only like Puff Daddy.
GOD

Dear God,
Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
Rob

Dear Rob,
Noah was an alcoholic. David was an egotist. I like Newt.
GOD

Dear God,
My brother told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they?
Marsha

Dear Marsha,
You mean the part when your father got your mother drunk and took her back to his house and put on some Barry White and then did the nasty? Yeah, that's right.
GOD

Dear God,
If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
Mickey

Dear Mickey
What kind of name is Mickey anyway? 
GOD

Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Sincerely, Donna

Dear Donna,
I created the sun which gives you light. Tommy invented the light bulb.  He thought the light I created wasn't enough. He's in Hell.
GOD